A misconception of sincere affection

What is your preferred mode of my service?

An unrequited belief in a love thought true,
that gets looked at with scorn,
once again belittled by expectations

Expectations that shouldn't exist
in the context of a love that's pure,
And you complete the list
till your insecurities cease to exist

Along with the passion
that somehow we can't agree upon
as you compare the expressions
with material displays
of ways not ours,

Of the sincerity of connections we can never know
of the plastic misconceptions of sincere affection
but neglect the faith I bestow
the pain I bathe in
when my heart still screams for you
You say you don't hear it...

Before the doors close
and the ice kills my fire
Let me say
I do not care what you think
what you expect
what you want but cannot have
because

You are the one I'm living for
and the one that has shown me love
A love I always knew was mine
So shrug it off
Wake up and come to the senses that I know you have
and love me for me
not for what I did or did not do
but for who I am

Because I do...

Show Me

Oh God of life, love, peace and mercy
Show me the way you have laid out for me
Help me get above me
And listen to what you want of me

Give me solace in your divinity
Let me take comfort in your continuity
When everything worldly reaches imperfection
Let me smile like a little child, with a spirit full of certainty

The certainty that you will never leave me
That you will always hold me
And that I will return to your embrace
At the end of my journey

If it's not too much to ask
Show me a glimpse of future-me
And let it be a me I can respect and hold up in dignity
For the whole world to see

Pick me up now, in a time of need and let me
Do what is right for the spirit in me
Let me never lose who I am
To anyone or anything
For in that spirit holds the love you have given me

Without which I will lose me
Show me
Please
My Father, how much you love me.

Amen

Better off This Way

I never knew perfection till
I heard you speak, and now it kills me
Just to hear you say the simple things
Now waking up is hard to do
And sleeping is impossible too
Everything is reminding me of you
What can I do?

It’s not right, not OK
Say the words that you say
Maybe we’re better off this way?
I’m not fine, I’m in pain
It’s harder everyday
Maybe we’re better off this way?

Maroon 5

Nothing Lasts Forvever

It is so easy to see

Dysfunction between you and me

We must free up these tired souls

Before the sadness kills us both

I tried and tried to let you know

I love you but I'm letting go

It may not last but I don't know

Just don't know

If you don't know

Then you can't care

And you show up

But you're not there

But I'm waiting

And you want to

Still afraid that I will desert you

Everyday

With every worthless word we get more far away

The distance between us makes it so hard to stay

But nothing lasts forever, but be honest babe

It hurts but it may be the only way

A bed that's warm with memories

Can heal us temporarily

The misbehaving only makes

The ditch between us so damn deep

Built a wall around my heart

I’ll never let it fall apart

But strangely I wish secretly

It would fall down while I'm asleep

If you don't know

Then you can't care

And you show up

But you're not there

But I'm waiting

And you want to

Still afraid that I will desert you, babe

Everyday

With every worthless word we get more far away

The distance between us makes it so hard to stay

But nothing lasts forever, but be honest babe

It hurts but it may be the only way

Though we have not hit the ground

It doesn't mean we're not still falling,

Oh I want so bad to pick you up

But you're still too reluctant to accept my help

What a shame, I hope you find somewhere to place the blame

But until then the fact remains

Everyday

With every worthless word we get more far away

The distance between us makes you so hard to stay

Nothing lasts forever, but be honest babe

It hurts but it may be the only way

Everyday

With every worthless word we get more far away

The distance between us makes it so hard to stay

But nothing lasts forever, but be honest babe

It hurts but it may be the only way

Maroon 5

All in Your Mind

Stand with me on the river bank
Where the cool wind brushes our face
You are welcome to do nothing at all
In the lonesome of this sheltered space
Through my eyes you can see the world
Well you might be surprised what you’ll find
A cool wind and a warm touch and a moment that is all in your mind

And if you find a reason to change your point of view
Might be the time and season
for doing what you’ve always wanted to do

Put my thoughts on a single page
but the paper didn’t have any lines
For painting pictures of magic and light
and a moment that is all in your mind
Oh, it’s all in your mind
It’s all in your mind
It’s all in your mind

And if you find a reason
To change your point of view
Might be the time and season
For doing what you’ve always wanted to do
What you wanted to do

Thought to call you the other day
But I figured that you don’t have the time
For painting pictures of magic and light
And a moment that is all in our minds
It’s a moment that is all in your mind.
And it might be that it’s all in your mind.

Raul Midon

IceBox

Fussin' and fightin', we back at it again
I know that, it's my fault, but you don't understand, no
I got memories, this is crazy
You ain't nothing like the girl I used to know
Good with ma, good with pa, cool with all my friends
I should try, truth is I wanna let u in, but no
Damn these memories, and it's crazy
You ain't nothing like the girl I used to know

Girl I really wanna work this out, cause I'm tired of fightin'
And I really hope you still want me the way I want you
I said I really wanna work this out, damn girl I'm tryin'
It's no excuse, no excuse
But I got this

Ice box where my heart used to be
I got this ice box where my heart used to be
I'm so cold, I'm so cold, I'm so cold, I'm so cold
I'm so cold, I'm so cold, I'm so cold

Why can't I get it right, just can't let it go
I opened up, she let me down, I won't feel that no more
I got memories, this is crazy
She ain't nothing like the girl I used to know
I don't mean to take it out on you baby but I can't help it
'Cause my heart is in the same ol' condition that baby left it
And I, I apologize, for makin' you cry
Look me in my eye and promise you won't do me the same

Girl I really wanna work this out, 'cause I'm tired of fightin'
And I really hope you still want me the way I want you
I said I really wanna work this out, damn girl I'm tryin'
It's no excuse, no excuse
I got this..

Ice box where my heart used to be
I got these ice box where my heart used to be
I'm so cold, I'm so cold, I'm so cold, I'm so cold
I'm so cold, I'm so cold, I'm so cold

I don't wanna be stuck up in this cold cold world
Don't wanna mess this up better keep your eye on me girl
Don't wanna mess this up better keep your eye on me girl
Don't wanna mess this up better keep your eye on me girl

Girl I really wanna work this out, cause I'm tired of fightin'
And I really hope you still want me the way I want you
I said I really wanna work this out, damn girl I'm tryin'
It's no excuse, no excuse
I said I got this...

Ice box where my heart used to be
I got these ice box where my heart used to be
I'm so cold, I'm so cold, I'm so cold, I'm so cold
I'm so cold, I'm so cold, I'm so cold

Omarion, Timbaland

Soul Identity

I was born for a purpose that I have yet to see clearly..
But i know whatever it is, it is to testify to the innate goodness that every soul bears..
I'm righteous, im true to myself, moulded form the hands of my creator.
I have ears that listen, a voice that sings, eyes that frown upon evil and hands and feet that help me overcome its clutches..
I am a man who fears and loves his God for all that he's done for me.
I run like e wind, I play with all my heart, I love with all my soul.
I respect the power of my mind, and the fragility of my body.
I seek an unwavering wisdom while holding onto a child's exuberance..
I like to laugh but have no problems with crying...
I am a warrior...
I'm a child...
I love my family, I treasure my friends and loved ones..
I'm kamikaze...
I'm paramilitary...
I have superpowers...
I'm a force to be reckoned with...
I am the revolution that is in my soul...

Muskrat Love

Muskrat, muskrat candlelight
Doin' the town and doin' it right
In the evenin'
It's pretty pleasin'

Muskrat Susie, Muskrat Sam
Do the jitterbug out in muskrat land
And they shimmy
And Sammy's so skinny

And they whirled and they twirled and they tangoed
Singin' and jingin' the jango
Floatin' like the heavens above
It looks like muskrat love

Nibbling on bacon, chewin' on cheese
Sammy says to Susie "Honey, would you please be my missus?"
And she say yes
With her kisses

And now he's ticklin' her fancy
Rubbin' her toes Muzzle to muzzle,
now anything goes As they wriggle,
and Sue starts to giggle

And they whirled and they twirled and they tangoed
Singin' and jingin' the jango
Floatin' like the heavens above
It looks like muskrat love

America

Any takers?

Curtain Call?

Did you even want to hold me then
When we stood in the dark with an iceberg between us
Did all you have to offer
Leave me feeling used, confused and alone as it was

What will it come to if I have to ask for a touch?
If you can't embrace me like we do when we smile
But when the smiles are gone there isn't much
And I have been banished, alone in exile

Let go of your inhibitions
Maybe you'll find me waiting
Swallow your pride and accept the situation
Then realise that isolation is what I'm facing
This is not a competition...

Aren't we two acting as one?
But why do you scurry into your hole
When it's perfectly serene, where I am
Or are you afraid all that you'll meet is the cold

But you say its me
When you can ignore it so easily

Do you think you're alone in this
Is that how you'd rather it be?
What you fail to see is that I'm right here waiting
Oh baby why don't you just drop it and run to me?

Must I wait in torment to see if your gaze should return
While my heart closes what you have opened so easily
Do you really want it this way?
For if it's so your wish will realise itself eventually

Fight with me cry with me
Give me the respect you deserve
Run away leave me alone
You just might curtain call this love

Short end of The Stick

What if you knew she knew she was in control?
Would you still be the fool you have always been?
Would you revolt and change the way things unfold?
But would she still want to love you then?

What if you knew she'd only love you so much?
Would you still give it your all?
Would you play it like she does?
Or swallow your pride and take that all too familiar fall?

What if you had to choose again?
Would it kill you to know you'd still choose her?
Do you think she'd still choose you?
Or would she see the fool and not want you any longer?

Will you accept the short end of the stick?
Even if you knew in your heart you deserved better?
Or will you confront your heart in a rage so thick,
And lose any chance of a happily ever after?

T. De Cotta

Song Quotes:

• She's got me lovestoned, I think I'm lovestoned.... and I think that she knows, I think that she knows, knows, ohh...

J.T.

• Now you've got the best of me come on and take the rest of me oh baby!!

The Real Thing

• Love me, Love me, Say that you love me, Fool me, fool me, go on and fool me, cos I don't care 'bout anything but you...

The Cardigans

Gotta Get Up

I gotta gotta get up

I gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta

Gotta gotta Get up..

Twice the Ides of March

You were the one I knew before I knew
You were the one who held me before I needed to be
You were the one who took my breath before I learnt to breathe
You were the one who saw through me before I could see
You were the one I ran to before I could walk
You were the one, my voice before I could talk
You were the one who put that spell on me from upstage
You were the one who inspired me to be brave and come of age
You were the one who always compelled me to laughter
You were the one who kept me wishing for a little something after
You were the one, the Sun that shone upon me bright
You were the one, the star that revealed my future in the night
You were the one, the talent God gave me
You were the one, the soul that still flows through me
You were the one, the silhouette of a dream made real
You were the one who held everything that my heart would feel
You were the one who said, "I Love You"

You are the one.

Another Day By Jill Scott

I don't want to go to work today
I'd rather stay home and play
Video games
I'd rather chill for real
I don't know how you feel
But sometimes I feel like
I'm Workin' for nuthin' tryin' to get sumthin'
Every where I turn there's a bill standing out
Swim the river climb the hill
Complacency you ain't gone get me no no

I gotta get up... Gotta gotta get up...

A Star Wars Reality

When the seemingly abandoned space arms race of yesteryear's Cold War suddenly appears in yesterday's headlines with China’s anti-satellite test, serious questions arise regarding the possibility of the realisation of science fiction yet again. Will George Lucas add the title of fortune teller to his other stellar credentials? When fears of the arming of space come fresh into society's conscience once more, one can't help but imagine the extrapolation of such events into the future.

Will we actually be manning gargantuan star destroyers and fighting stellar wars not over countries but for conquest of worlds in our vast galaxy? As ridiculous as that sounds, we cannot deny the numerous instances where science fiction already physically manifested itself in our real world.

Take for example, the recent advent of holographic technology used in advertising where companies such as Vizoo use advanced video design to make life-like holograms that even R2-D2 would be proud of. The holographic industry will see an end to Princess Leia's monopoly in it, with clients ranging from Virgin to Adidas catching hold of this revolutionary technology to market goods on a whole new level never attained before.

What about the legendary laser rifle? As part of the arsenal of the much feared Imperial Stormtroopers in George Lucas' epic saga, the idea of laser rifles may just have made its way into the arsenal of the United States Marine Corps in the form of the Vehicle-Mounted Active Denial System or VMADS. Nicknamed the, "Ray Gun", it is capable of immobilising a target from as far as three quarters of a kilometer, using projected energy similar to microwaves to burn but not kill. With extrapolation of such technology in mind once again, the future generations, in local context, may be entering national service to train to become the very stormtroopers we have seen in Star Wars to begin with, armed with powerful laser rifles and with the bulky and fashionably disastrous uniform even.

How often have people laughed at the prophecies of science fiction claiming it to be the muse of acne-stricken video game geeks and nerds who win science fairs with outrageous inventions futile to the benefit of mankind, only to see such prophecies materialize?

Applying such extrapolations to the current threat of a possible space arms race since the Cold War, which saw both Russia and the States conduct anti-satellite tests, it is frighteningly easy to envision the extraterrestrial course of war as yet another realisation of science fiction throughout history. The Hollywood depiction of zero-gravity dogfights and lightspeed travel may even be the stuff of primetime news in the future; a future where interplanetary warfare reigns as chaos unfolds among the stars; and as the casualties increase, the title of the classic series, "Lost in Space", may become way too morbid.

As we reach the frontiers of space exploration, the possibility of the arming of space seems not just that, but more of an inevitability, with current events such as the shooting down of satellites making headline news. Soon the question of satellite defence will arise, and before you know it we might be taking war right into the realm beyond our atmosphere. What was known to us as an epic movie title may just be the scourge of a generation not a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, but right here in Earth’s backyard in the not so distant future; an all too disturbing Star Wars reality. I’d surely prefer to keep viewing Star Wars on a cinema’s canvas screen with popcorn and a coke, rather than it being a clear and present danger looming in the stars above.

If all this ever materialises, will we be prepared to deal with its consequences? Will there be those who rise to the responsibility of policing our dangerous potential in space, like the noble and wise Jedi? It is a marvel how we have the power to make our dreams reality, but often do we find ourselves lacking the mettle to face the reality of it all. Is a Star Wars reality what we have to offer our grandchildren or the stellar but peaceful progress of the human race?

Written attempt for a published article.

A Prayer With Chris in Mind

I realized as I lay down to sleep
We haven’t spoke in weeks
So many things that I’d like to know
Come have a talk with me
I need a sign, something I can see
Why all the mystery?
I try not to fall for make believe
But what is reality?

Where do we go? What do we know?
Life has to have a meaning
Show me the light
Show me the way
Show that you’re listening

Show me that you love me
Show me that you walk with me
Hopefully, just above me
Heaven’s watching over me

Guess it’s funny how I say thanks to you
For all you’ve given me
Sometimes the price of what you gave to me
I can’t stop questioning
O God of love, peace, and mercy
Why so much suffering?
I pray for the world, it gets worse to me
Wonder if you’re listening

When people go? Why do they go?
Why don’t you choose me?
But someday I know I’m gonna go
I hope you’re waiting for me

Show me that you love me
Show me that you walk with me
Hopefully, just above me
Heaven’s watching over me

Maybe we’ll talk
Some other night
Right now I’ll take it easy
Won’t spent my time
Waiting to die
Enjoy the life I’m living

Show me that you love me
Show me that you walk with me
Hopefully, just above me
Heaven’s watching over me

Thank you John Legend for touching my soul with this beautiful prayer.
May you rest in peace Chris, you will be remembered.

Interpret Your Perception...

If we are made unique but the same all at once, then have you ever thought that what we perceive through our consciousness as the same thing in our minds may actually be that of our own unique interpretation of our perception? For example, what the shape of a square means to me might hold a totally different interpretation of shape to the next person, but may be similarly interpreted as the shape of a "square". Is what I know as fact alien to your interpretation of the very same fact in your mind? Who knows what we see through each others eyes? We are unique aren't we?

Is my square what you perceive to be what a square means to you?

Have you ever thought that how you see the world may only be unique to yourself? From the way the trees sway in the wind, to the sound the wind makes, as it brushes against your skin and how it feels and smells, how are you so sure that the person walking across the street from you in the same wind that's blowing through it is experiencing an identical perception of the weather? We would be sure if we held on to an established communal conscience prior to questioning, but after doing so, a new level of consciousness materializes and what we held as concrete to our understanding may in fact become something yet more fluid and deeper than we ever bothered to think possible. Take for instance, how we used to think the Sun revolved around the Earth only to learn that its mostly the other way around, and that our flat home turned out to be in fact spherical, and that we weren't the centre of the universe at all but a speck in its vast, unfathomable dimensions.

A Universe without and End

What if the world seems different to you than it does to me? What is the colour of the sky to you? Blue? Then does your blue match mine? What if I told you Pizza tastes this way to me? Will it be the same for you? What is your perception of everything around you relative to mine? What we identify as the same thing in a communal conscience may vary in the consciences unique to ourselves. What are conflicts made of? Can they arise from the ignorance of the existence of unique perceptions of common subjects in dialogue? Have we too much confidence in an existing communal conscience from the societal perception of everything around us that we fail to compensate for the heterogeneity of the communal conscience itself to begin with? Why do our leaders agree then suddenly find themselves at loggerheads over something they thought they were in unison before? Is this all because of our failure to acknowledge the varying interpretations of perception that every unique individual possesses? I think so.

An End to War?

We need to find a new awareness. An awareness of a higher state of consciousness that can accommodate the very possibility of the reality that what I see through my eyes may not necessarily be identical to what you see through yours. Only then can we, as a collective consciousness, come to understand each other at the level we seem to have never attained in history. Who knows, it may spell the end of wars, pioneer a oneness with our environment never achieved before, thus saving our ageing planet, planting the seed for the next generation where people take nothing for granted and everything as different interpretations of perceptions unique to every individual, letting consideration grace every opinion and the making the simple concept of understanding each other paramount in human identity. What a wonderful world this would be if this were so, wouldn't it? Think about it.

Blogger My Soul

Over the edge and into a new valley rich in green and filled with the air of pleasant unpredictability. Virgin territory yet to be plotted in the map of time, with a compass in my hands and humble sandals wrapping my feet. The journey ahead is for me to mould, like the past behind me and the life I'm jumping off from. Will I fly, will I fall? Will I rise again? Things left to be determined and mettle, to be tested.

The excitement overwhelms at times but tends to be shelved by the immediate occupations that steal my attention. No doubt its how things will always enfold. A plethora of opportunity shrouding the few choices that will ultimately govern the current of your own life; the choices meant for you, those which will shape you into who you were destined to become. I just can't wait any longer. Here I come guns a blazing and empowered with the comfort in knowing that wherever I'm headed, the choice is MINE!

But first, a few things to get and do. Among other things, I need to update the soundtrack to my life:

Amel Larrieux's Morning

Time to hit the jukejoints to get some platinum baby!

And to get the concert veins pumping:

Kev, Ken and whoever's gonna crash this fest lets get the tix man, seriously..

And to end the musical starvation:

A Bass/Lead Cable

Maybe a new wall painting to make the count a 3:

Inspiration from the worldwide underground. Peace out!